ambar...

Ambar wakes up to a loud honk booming through the damp cold air.. She wakes up with a start, alarmed, switches on the lamp next to her bed on and looks out the window – no one…pitch black except the street lights – looks at the alarm clock next to the lamp. Red digits glare at her – 4:03 “Damn!!” she says. An hour and a half before the alarm sets off.

Ambar, a twenty one year old - modern, independent girl lives on her own in the city of Bombay, in a small studio type apartment. The apartment isn’t much but certainly liveable! The events in the recent past have shaken her badly. Things had just gone so wrong for Ambar. Ambar was still in college, studying in her final year, B.Com, when suddenly, unexpectedly her life had abruptly changed. In the carnage that took place in the Howrah -Delhi Express on May 12^th,2005, she was orphaned overnight. Her family were to attend a family wedding in Delhi. However, since Ambar’s exa,s were to finish a day later, on the 13^th, she could’nt join them. Ambar’s mom had made all the arrangements for her for the next four days that she would be away from home – “I am packing the food for each of the coming four days in different containers in the refrigerator – Please have them everyday, ok beta?!” she said. “Yes Maa!!!” Ambar replied, “I’m not a kid !!- I’m 19!!” “Take care of yourself and write your exam well!!” said Ambar’s Maa as she kissed her forehead.

Ambar’s kid brother – 11 now taunted her saying “Yes Ambar- pleaaaaaaseeee write you exams well!! Don’t barely pass, like every time – Study!! For once!! ”He made a run for as she came after him and hid behind his dad. Ambar was super excited to have the entire house to herself. Her exams would end the next day. But her maa n paa weren’t supposed to return back until the day after.She could invite her friends over after the exam and have grand party and a sleepover for her closest friends! The water felt cold against her face. She splashed the water a few more times against her face in the dark. She looked into the mirror – the lights from outside the window shone, reflected on the mirror. The past years had been rough on her – She looked pale, much older and mature than her age. The news of the accident had shattered her ompletely- for days she didn’t get out of her house. She would lock herself in her room refusing to believe the harshness of the inevitable. She would force herself to sleep wiping the tears in hopes of waking out of this nightmare- waking out of the nightmare in to the pleasant reality of “her life” – her life, where her little brother is playfully tugging at her hair, with her maa making her favorite chicken dishes in the kitchen. Ambar would wake up muttering, “Look naa Maa!!! Look at chotu!” She shook her memories away as she wiped her face dry. Yet another hour to go before she normally wakes up. She made her way back to bed to see if she gets any sleep…

Her apartment building was right next to a busy road with traffic moving about even during the night. She had come to Bombay 2 years back. It had taken her almost a year to get to terms with her loss. Her life as she had known for 19 years had ceased to exist and had changed overnight. That’s when she decided to come to Bombay. She really wanted to get away from all the shit and all the things that reminded her of it. Her final exams had gone okay and she had passed her final year with second class. She had a degree to rely on. She remembered how she had sold off all her jewelry so that she could save enough to think of making the trip to Bombay. She packed her belongings and just left her hometown one night. She found a job as a Desk clerk soon enough after reaching Bombay. … She lay there on her bed twisting and turning, pleading her head make all the sad memories disappear – just when – the alarm went off – blaring in the darkness. She turned to switch it off and got up to get ready for work. As she was still brushing her teeth, looking into the mirror infront of her above the sink, she stopped suddenly and remembered that she had something that she had to do….and in a flash she was at her desk picking her phone off of it. With her toothbrush still held in her mouth bit between her teeth dangling like that she typed – “Wake up SLEEPY HEAD!!” and sent the sms to Ass – Aseem. Aseem worked with her at her office. A wide smile spread across her face removing any traces of the recent sad memories as she saw the delivery confirmation report flash on her mobile screen. Ass had been her only saving grace in her years in Bombay. She really loved him a lot. She took care of him and doted on him with endless affection and love. She still remembered his first impression on her. She had disliked the very sight of him. He was your typical boyish guy - flirting around endlessly with every female in the office. He had tried to uses his smooth talking charm on her too. She was disgusted. The whole incident of her family just disappearing overnight had made her a little cold and a lot strong and independent. She had a distinctive strength and definitive character about her personality. Finally, he gave up trying too hard to impress her and over the course of time they became friends. They seemed to get along well together – he was flamboyant, restless, over the top, eager, anxious and indecisive at times, she was grounded, strong and so calm. It didn’t take long before they both felt strongly about one another. But Ambar not once professed her love for him. He would however go on forever. “I love you so Amby baby”, he would say. And she would just snub him saying, “Just shut up Ass!!” Both knew about each others feelings, and though Ambar never admitted, the feeling grew stronger each day. The mobile phone beeped as the screen shone “1 new message”. She smiled as she unlocked the keypad – “Am already up love! Hope u din’t miss me a lot. cant wait2c ur pwetty face! Lovya :*” “Stupid Ass!” Ambar muttered under her breath as she replaced the phone. All these days she had not onec admitted to her love for Ass. But she did love him with all her heart. Since a few days though, she had been thinking of uttering the unthinkable. ..

She would picture countless times of how Ass would be rolling on the floor laughing when she would actually profess her love for him. As she put on her favorite purple dress, she smiled in to the mirror and said, “Well guess what Ass? Today’s your lucky day!!”

She waited for her every day BEST bus at 8:05 am. She though to herself, “Ass would be getting ready to leave for office too… He must now be getting on that bike of his, looking all snazzy in his new chrome helmet.” Ass, a bike freak had custom made his not so new Hero Honda to look like a racer bike – and he would keep adding stuff and other accessories to it. Though Ambar would normally admonish him for spending so much money on his bike all the time, she couldn’t deny that he on his bike did make a pretty picture – the way he loved his bike had a certain boyish charm about it. The “tink tink” of the conductor’s bell broke her day dream and she scurried in to find a seat..

Ambar sat down on her chair in front of her desk. It was five minutes to nine – No Ass yet. She started rearranging her desk just for the heck of it, as she re-rehearsed again how she would finally express her love to her beloved Ass. She went to the ladies room twice to make sure she looks fine for Ass. 9:40 am – still no signs of Aseem. It was quite unlike of Aseem to be late to work. Normally they’d be at work round about at the same time. She tried calling on his cell phone – no answer – “Pick it up Already!!” , she exclaimed, “Where are you Ass?!” She was beginning to get worried for him. She glance at the clock again – 9:45 am. She was wondering what could Ass be upto? She looked around to make sure he isn’t just troubling her and watching, having all the fun, hidden inside the office somewhere. Her thoughts were interrupted by the vibration of the phone – slightly shaking the freshly re-arranged desk - “Thank god – Ass!” she said to herself as she received the call, “What’s with you Ass??! Where the fuck are you?!”, she said in her normal authoritative tone. An alien voice at the other end spoke, “I am sorry maam, are you Mr. Aseem Dixit’s relative? This is police officer, Damle speaking – I am extremely sorry to inform you that Mr.Dixit has met with a…….” The phone fell from her hand, crashing to tiny phone parts on the white tile flooring. Ambar’s chair creaked aloud as she slouched back with a crash almost lifeless from the shock – her eyes wide open in disbelief and horror – she stared into the nothingness of the inevitable whiteness of her office wall…